If you know you’re an approval seeker – read on!

If you want to become the type of leader who walks into a room and doesn’t question whether they belong there, you’re going to have to give up your approval seeking habits.

So – tell me if this sounds like you. 

You know what needs to be said, but you wrap it up in cotton wool because you don’t want to sound unkind or harsh or abrupt. 

You know the crucial point you want to make. You’ve rehearsed it over and over again. Then you hear yourself say a diluted version of it that is easier to say. Less direct. Less likely to create a reaction, discomfort or upset.  

Even as you’re saying it, you know it’s not what you meant.

You tell yourself it just didn’t feel right, or you’ll say it next time.

Then it happens again. And again. Small edits. Small reductions. A bit of self-censorship here and there to keep things on an even keel. Until the version of you people hear is a tinier version of the really powerful one. 

Then someone else says the thing. More directly. More concisely. With more impact.

You recognise it immediately. That’s exactly what I was trying to say.

You’re so frustrated and annoyed with yourself.

But then you justify.  ‘Well, he’s more senior, so he can get away with it’, or ‘she has always been more outspoken than me.’ 

A ‘difficult conversations’ programme is unlikely to help you with this.  Because what you’re grappling with is much more about your sense of who you are. And who you might become if you started being bolder or more direct. And what people might think of you. 

So think about the last thing you watered down. What would have happened if you’d just said it? What would people think of you?

Take a deep breath, think about what you want to say and why, think about the outcome you’re looking for, think about how you can be both direct and compassionate, practise saying it a few times, test it with a trusted colleague or friend and then go for it.

Struggling a bit with this? (You’re not alone).

Drop me a note and I’ll give you a couple of pointers. 

To your success always.