‘They should know’

One of the most common things I hear from leaders in coaching sessions when we’re talking about boundaries is:

“I thought they’d know.”

“I assumed it was obvious.”

“Surely they realise that’s not OK.”

We expect other people to sense our boundaries somehow, but how can they if we haven’t made them explicit?

People aren’t crossing your boundaries. They just don’t know where they are.

So most of the time, they’re not being disrespectful.

They’re just following patterns you haven’t disrupted. (Yet )

Maybe you were raised to be agreeable, available, and accommodating. ‘Be nice’ ‘Put others first’, blah, blah. Or as my mother always said ‘if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.’

Thanks Mum.

So our boundaries live in our heads – but not spoken out loud.

Say it out loud right now. No self-censoring.  Then decide how you’re going to implement it this week.